Have you ever been so angry you feel like your ready to burst? I know we all say it.. But how many of us have actually felt that way?

Well I have. That's for sure. I feel like if I actually was something that had seams, they would have popped and I would have been wrecked by this thing called anger. 

You see. I'm an only child. I have no escape. I have my boyfriend... but he has to work tonight. And I have that one best friend that normally completely understands me... But she's away right now. So I feel a little lost. I have all this pent up energy, and no way of getting rid of it. So I'm turning to my blog.

You see my whole life I've had to deal with intense pressure. Be it in sports, school, whatever. I can handle that.. And to be honest, I feel like I can handle almost anything.. because of what I've had to go through.

I don't what it is about her, but my mother is crazy. That's the mildest way of putting it. Today, she completely lost it, and was yelling and screaming, and looking like she might massacre someone, all because I had 2 shaving blades left in the shower, instead of one (the maximum I'm allowed). 

Now, I think we all agree, when someone nicely holds you accountable for something you've done wrong, you feel bad, you apologize, you correct whatever mistake it was. Well when I was being yelled at, told I was unorganized, and told no one would ever want to live with me, that I was a selfish spoiled kid, who needed to grow up, I really didn't feel much like apologizing and quickly remedying the situation. 

Anyways.. my point is you don't shit on someone and expect them to happily do what  you want them to do. 

I think I may have potentially finally reached that point where enough is enough. I'm tired of living like this... I think I need to get my own place. Do my own thing. Going into debt for complete freedom never looked so appealing... 

When I was being yelled at, I walked away. My mother followed me, so I'd keep moving away.. Until finally, I locked myself in a little room. (Yes I know, sounds childish.. but I had to. Like I said.. I actually felt like I was about to burst. I couldn't remain in that situation calmly.) And once again, I was given an ultimatum. I say once again, because this has happened more than once. My mom told me to get out of the room, face my problems, and shape up, or to get out of the house, because I was being evicted. Yeah, my own mom wanted to kick me out because I had 2 shavers in the shower. Oh, and because I didn't completely push the drawers in my room in all the way. 

So I guess that leaves me where I am. Attempting to survive my last year university.. The question now is whether or not I can actually put up with this for one more school year, and save some money, so that when I move out, financially I can handle it.... Or should I just take out a loan, and get out now. 

My mom's stressed, and I try to remember that fact, but it seems as though she has been stressed my whole life.. and honestly, she brings it upon herself... But that's a whooooole other story. In the end though, why should I have to pay because she's stressed?

Anywho, thats it. 

Peace. 

OH! And, for any of you who actually read this, this is therapeutic. Please don't comment on it. Or ever say anything to me about it. Unless you actually do understand. 

PET PEEVE.. again...

OKAYYY….. I’m blogging again!!

Nottttt that anyone reads this anyways…

But I have a HUGE pet peeve, and so I must complain…

You see… I hate spelling errors.

Like, really I hardcore dislike them.

Now, don’t worry, I understand some mistakes. There are some words out there that are genuinely difficult to spell…

I assume that most often, these extravagant words are used in more professional type documents, as opposed to a blog, instant message, wall post, and so- on. In these instances, the DICTIONARY should be consulted…. Again I will assume that most of us have enough pride in how we are professionally presenting ourselves that we will verify the correct spelling of such words before including them in any document/presentation/ or so on…

So, now you’re wondering what I’m talking about…

Well, my problem is with simple basic mistakes in little almost insignificant things such as notes, blogs, IMs, emails, wall posts etc.

Somewhere along the line, schooling has greatly failed us.

It is NOT normal to be making mistakes in the proper usage of words like “where, were, we’re, their, there, they’re, are, our, to, too, two”… just to name a few.

You see, the reason it is completely unacceptable to make such mistakes is that these words are basic, common words that sound similar, but have completely different meanings. These words are also used so often that we should know their proper spelling at the appropriate time.

For all those out there that don’t see the problem in such mistakes because “oh, you understand what I mean” I’ll let you in on a little secret.

I can figure out what you mean. But often, I have to re-read whatever sentence has the misspelled word in it. Because…

“We’re our you taking of two?” REALLY throws me off.

There’s no way I would smoothly read such a line and just KNOW a person meant to ask, “Where are you taking off to?”

I would be so thrown off, and distracted by the horrendous, unacceptable spelling, that I would need to re-read over and over, to get past my confusion and figure out the meaning behind those words… That is, if I can even correctly figure it out!!

And so, my frustration has become so extreme that I have decided to post a little lesson for anyone that may need a refresher:

Where, were, we’re

Where: referring to a location. EXP: “Where are you?”

Were: Past tense of the verb “be”. EXP: “I was going to the store.”

“You were going to the store.”

We’re: Abbreviation for “we are”. EXP: “We’re sisters.”

There, Their, they’re

There: referring to a location. EXP: “I’ve been there!”

Their: shows possession. EXP: “That’s their house.”

They’re: abbreviation for “they are”. EXP: “They’re going to the zoo.”

Our, Are

Our: used to indicate possession. EXP: “Our team is going to win.”

Are: present tense of the verb “be”. EXP: “Where are you going?”

“We are silly!”

To, too, two

To: used in indicating a direction, a person… EXP: “I’m going to the mall.”

“To: Sarah”

Too: also, in addition. EXP: “Me too!”

“I’m hungry, tired, and fed up too."

Two: the number 2. EXP: “I’ll meet you around two.”

People, in the end, when you make such simple mistakes, I check one thing: the time at which the message was sent. If it wasn’t late, there is no excuse. I’m left questioning your basic intelligence.

What fueled all this you ask?

Yesterday, I was watching CNN, who was reporting a story on the Republican Presidential candidate John McCain when I noticed a completely unacceptable spelling mistake.

The name of this potential future President had been spelt “McCaign”.

How terrible for an international news channel to making such a horrendous mistake.

And then I started to think… of the mistakes we make everyday.

Kids now, think it’s cool to spell things as ridiculously as they possibly can.

“Luv u gurlzz alwayz!” is tame compared to the insane spelling I’ve seen them using.

Anyways, I can’t force anyone else to change, but I’ve decided to demand more of myself. I won’t lie. When I’m sending quick IM’s I choose not to capitalize, I conveniently forget apostrophes in contractions…

But no more… I retire my former, lazy ways- right now.

And so, I ask the same of anyone who may stumble across this post. In fact, don’t just demand correct spelling from yourselves. Don’t be shy to write in to a news station, or news paper, pointing out unacceptable errors.

And hey, please hold me accountable should I resort back to my lazy ways.

35 questions on R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

I haven't blogged in months. So what brings me back to the blogging scene? Intense emotion. Something to say. I'm pissed. I'm frustrated. It started as frustration with someone else.. but as I've been thinking, writing, I've come to realize perhaps it's really just frustration with myself... Anyways... I'm leaving up my thoughts, for those who want, or dare, to read through them.



I'm SOOO fed up, of being told to "Show some respect". I hate hearing "You don't respect me."

And when I dare demand respect from the same people shooting these words at me, like daggers through the heart, the response I hear is: "You want respect? Well then earn it."

To start, how do we earn respect? Especially from those dear to us. Why is it, that if I act in a way that I believe to be right, and acceptable, but that someone else is completely against, they "lose" respect for me?

And why is it, that when I stand up for myself, its considered disrespectful? Is it because- in standing up for myself I'm telling someone else that I disagree with them, that I'm perhaps putting them in their place, or that they may not feel particularly good because of my actions?

If I'm standing up for myself, am I disrespecting someone else?

And why is it, that certain people in our lives, our teachers, our parents or guardians, our significant others, demand respect from us. Did we not just say respect was earned? Why are we just expected to respect them?

And why is it, that when we demand it back, they are so appalled? Is respect not a two-way street?
Can anyone honestly say that when they feel disrespected by someone, they continue to treat that person completely respectfully? So then, why is it so shocking, that when we want more respect from someone, they possibly demand the same in return?

Perhaps what hurts more than anything else, is not being respected by those loved ones held so close to our hearts. How do you lose their respect? Is hurting someone the same as disrespecting them? If it is, if you apologize, have you earned back their respect?

How do you earn the respect of someone you disagree with on so many levels, but love immensely?

If you love someone, should you just respect them? Do you just respect them? Does loving someone mean you respect them? Can you love someone you don't respect?

What is the definition of respect? Is it a universal definition? Is it unique to every person? Is it fixed or up for interpretation?

Can we be respected by one person for one thing, but loose the respect of another for the same thing?

And how do you earn respect? If every individual person is unique, do you earn their respect in the same way?

If not, are we not compromising ourselves to earn another's respect? Is it worth compromising ourselves? Or would we rather just be disrespected by some, but true to ourselves?

In the end, forget being respected by others. Our most difficult critics are most often ourselves.
Do you respect yourself? Do you always respect yourself? Why do you, or don't you respect yourself? If you don't respect yourself, can you expect anyone else to respect you?

Most importantly though, how do we earn our own respect?




Just something to think about...